I was 26 years old when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. As I sat in the doctor’s office in Bangkok, I felt my body shiver with a wave of shock and devastation. How could this be? I was a healthy young woman who ate well, exercised, vegetarian, didn’t even drink coffee, meditated and did yoga everyday, followed my passion and purpose in life, how could I have cancer?
The doctor persuaded me that an operation was the best choice, and I had to go immediately into surgery. At that time, I was working as a creative art therapist, in a child protection project on the Thai Burma Border with children refugees who had fled their war torn country. Within a week, I packed up my little forest home in the jungle, said goodbye to my beloved refugees and headed to Bangkok for surgery.
After surgery, the doctor told me that unfortunately the cancer had spread, and I needed to have chemotherapy. Another wave of shock rippled through my being, this time, with the resolve that there was no fucking way I would go through the medical system again, and that I would find my own way of non-invasive healing. I had this deep and powerful inner voice that told me implicitly that I was the master of my own healing journey, that the cancer could be cured by the power of my mind, heart and spirit.
So I said to the doctor, no thanks, much to her concern. And I started the first step to healing the cancer in my body, and since then I had never looked back.
This illness was a doorway, a threshold, to cracking opening the seed of my understanding, the connection to my beautiful body as a woman, to healing my ancient ancestral feminine wounds, to understanding, loving and respecting myself, and it changed my life forever. It was the biggest gift LIFE had given to me.
This process reminded me of the potent poem by the poet Kahlil Gibran:
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding…”
After my discharge from hospital, I went straight into a Vipassana 10 day silent retreat, and then moved to an ashram in the North East of Thailand, and stayed there for 8 months, where I dedicated my every moment of my life to healing and understanding my illness, and why it was there. I immersed myself in every teaching I could find on women’s reproductive health. I prayed, meditated, laughed, wept an ocean of tears, healed, released, danced, created art, practiced yoga, changed my diet and discovered and channeled deep feminine meditations and ways of healing, until the end of eight months, I was so connected to my body that I knew intuitively that my cancer had gone. I discovered and channeled deep feminine meditations and ways of healing. My higher self was right.
I am my own master, and I have the power to heal myself.
Later I went back to Bangkok to double – check, and I was right. The cancer cells had gone and they have never returned, ten years later.
I deeply believe that our power for transformation and healing is boundless. That is why I do what I do as a healer, a teacher and a social and women rights activist. That is why I choose to work in the darkest places in the world; because I believe that:
Change is Always Possible.
My work with women is the creation and culmination of the experience of healing cancer. Since then I have offered this body of work over the years, even with the sex trafficked women I work with, many who suffer from HIV/AIDS. They have found this work life-changing and deeply transformative. I have had reports from women that had missed their period in years, getting their period for the first time in years. I’ve had testimonials from women who were at the brink of a hysterectomy, who transformed their relationship with their bodies and stopped suffering from heavy bleeding and polycystic ovary syndrome.
It is a testament that Change is Always Possible, despite your circumstance, or your past experience, that In All Ways,
we are the masters of our lives and our healing.